I’m currently laying in bed, its 11:23 a.m. on Saturday, January 4th and I am all alone… which is different than my normal routine for the past 3 weeks.
*Cue the sad songs!*
It’s been a weird morning so far, or more like a weird 24 hours. I knew he was leaving today, that was the plan, and I couldn’t change it. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t ask a million times anyway. We’ve spent the last 3 weeks together, which is a considerable amount of time to spend with someone when you first start hanging out again. It seems crazy to think that so much time has passed, we both commented on how it just flew by. There is so much inside of me that desperately wanted to pack my bag and go with him, but I can’t. Wanting to do something so bad, but having responsibilities, and not being able to, really pulls at my brain and heart.
What We Expected
Honestly, I had no idea what was going to happen when he came home during Christmas. We had been talking for a few weeks already and we were both excited to spend time together, but we didn’t know how much time that would be. After the first night we spent together I knew that I wanted him in bed next to me every night. The fact that every morning he sought out to make me laugh or smile was huge. I found myself happier over the last 3 weeks then I had been in a long time.
I think we learned a lot about each other that we never knew before. Obviously, I had a back story to his life, some things that had happened, but it had been so many years that I forgot so much of it. This time around things were more serious. We spent every moment together except for when I needed to work. There were times when we did lots of events and outings, and moments where we worked on a puzzle and listened to podcasts for hours. It didn’t seem to matter what we did, so long as we were together I always had fun. I laughed for hours over his ridiculous theories, fun complaining, and overall opinions on things. He made me explore ideas outside of my traditional thinking and introduced me to more political ideas. I tried to do the same for him, change how he viewed his impact on the world, how he can be more mindful of his consumption and food choices. I think we are such strongly independent thinkers, that we can convince each other to see another way of thinking. It’s something that I have never experienced before but I am so lucky that we share.
So Now What?
Now, life goes on. I spent the last 3 weeks with an amazing man who makes me unbelievably happy. The downside is that he lives 6 hours away. To many people, this might be a dealbreaker. I don’t even really see it as something that would change what I want. I know that I want to be with him, continue to spend time with him, and get to know every little thing about him. Yes he lives far away, and there will be times where I won’t be able to see him or talk to him for months, but I fell for him regardless and I am not going to back out of my feelings because things might be hard sometimes. Nothing good in life comes easy, and all is fair in love and war.
So for now, I am going to continue eating my Pizza Pringles, eventually wash my cum stained sheets (but probably not for a few days, because of memories), get myself out of bed, and try to get myself back into a routine. We have plans to see each other in two weeks so I will count down the days until then.
Moral of The Story: Life is tough and full of tricky decisions, just go with your gut instincts. The rest will fall into place.