Realizing I’m a Submissive

Having a fetish can sometimes be a scary thing, but don’t worry, we are in this together! I’m going to walk you through my experiences with the hope it helps you guys too! In the last 5 years of my life, I have had mixed emotions with my fetishes. It isn’t always easy to realize you have a fetish, or how to really feel about having one. I think society is in a weird place right now, some fetishes are glorified and others have bad light, but NEVER feel ashamed of your fetish!

A fetish isn’t one particular thing, there are millions of fetishes and they all can vary between people! 

How Did I Realize

It wasn’t until after having sex for 2-3 years that I realized I even had a fetish. It started out slow, I dabbled in watching different kinds of porn and realized I wanted to try some of these things. The videos I watched featured a lot of strong, dominant figures. This slowly morphed into more hard-core porn over time. At the time I never told my partners what I wanted. I had vanilla sex for many years and I thought that people in relationships didn’t have sex like that (Boy was I wrong!). I felt embarrassed for liking that type of sex, It seemed like no one was ever talking about it so I kept it quiet for a long time. I didn’t want people to think I was weird or have my partners leave me. Things continued to develop through my fascination with Tumblr (RIP) and the old faithful, porn. 

My First Experience

After sitting here and trying to think about my first experience with my fetishes .. I realize that it is with P. I keep thinking that there must have been someone before but NOPE! How has this post come full circle? Wow.. I’m slightly baffled right now.

(P your welcome for this lovely ego boost, I know your grinning right now!)

With all the guys that I had slept with previously, neither of them ever asked me what I wanted or liked. With P things were very sexual right from the beginning, he asked me questions that no one ever asked me before and never made me feel ashamed for what I liked. 

By now my fetish had developed into a very dom/sub, I wanted to have rough sex, impact play, and to just fully give myself to someone. I had toyed with these things when sexting but never IRL.

P fully knew what I wanted but had NO idea that it was my first time like this (though I’m sure it was obvious by how nervous I was, I guess we will find out after he reads this). We got together on Christmas Day, I remember walking into the basement sitting on that black leather couch and I was naked within minutes. I remember being nervous but then just followed everything that he told me to do, and I fully submitted to him and it changed my sex life forever! The mix of pain, with complete admiration, was everything I had ever wanted. Laying next to him after the first round of many that night, I felt like I was finally being true to myself and I loved it. 

Highs and Lows 

My dabble with my fetish left just as quickly as it began. That night was over and we both returned back to school. I continued dating people but didn’t always fully open up. There were a few people I would tell about what I wanted but not many experiences. I was always trying to make other people happy and would just forget about my own needs (Sub much?). P and I would have some fun nights here and there but nothing consistent. For the past 3 years, I tried my hardest to keep those feelings at bay. I would go through periods of hating myself for wanting those things and I really struggled with my own self-image. I started to resent my current partner for not giving me what I wanted, but how would he know if I never told him? Fetishes seemed to grow in the mainstream media and slowly over time, I realized that I needed to be true to myself and that my needs/wants/cravings were important.

How I Embrace it Now?

7 years since my first experience… I have slowly learned how to fully embrace my feelings. I am totally down for vanilla sex but I still love fully submitting myself to my partner. P and I live in the same city again and things began to grow. The first night I was back, we were all over each other, just like the beginning. After being a closeted submissive I really struggle with fully letting go. It has been 9 months and I am still having a hard time. P is very patient with me and I feel lucky that he introduced me into this world with no judgment or expectations. I love exploring different things sexually and having someone who compliments me when I do a good job is a life changer. 

How to React if Your Partner has a Fetish

You might not always know if your partner has a fetish. It is important in the beginning to talk openly about what you like, don’t like, or want to experiment with. Being sexually compatible might not always seem like a big deal but trust me it can be. If you are with someone who has a fetish, NEVER make them feel ashamed for that.

Just because I am a sub in my sexual life doesn’t mean I am in every aspect of my life. I have a tough time giving up that control but over time it is something that I have loved and really just allows me to fully relax. I have always felt safe, respected and loved with P, and I think that is essential when dealing with a sub/dom relationship. Just because you are a sub doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be respected. Make sure you always discuss hard limits with your partner and respect their decision if they don’t want to do something!

Moral Of The Story: Welcome to the world of Fetishes, It’s a wild ride! Embrace yourself.

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