It’s something that is great on its own but can also be coupled with sex, or be sex. Over my years of dating, I found that the longer you are with someone the less likely foreplay occurs (at least in my case). You don’t have that sense of adventure and discovery with a new partner and it may feel unnecessary. Many of my long term relationships have had declining sex lives and I believe it’s because I am the type of person who needs to have that time where you just want to touch each other or make out without it leading to anything else, or if it does that is ok too. 

To me, sex is more than just reaching an orgasm, it is about the process and I am the type of person who needs to feel that connection with the other person. When I don’t have foreplay my mind seems to wander, thinking that my partner is only with me for sex and doesn’t want to actually be with me as a person. It really is a downward spiral once this starts. (Shocker!)

As I’ve gotten older I have taken my sex life more seriously. It was something that I never really worried about but know I found that it directly corresponds to my mental health. I found that with my past serious relationships I spent a lot of time not wanting sex (not usual for me) and I didn’t understand why. After a lot of consulting and self exploration I realized that it was a mix of a few things, one being the lack of foreplay.

Being a fairly quiet person it was difficult to express how I was feeling, especially when I didn’t understand myself. Foreplay is extremely important to some people, including myself. To me, it is important to have foreplay as it signals to me that the person enjoys me and my body. It is a huge confidence and self-esteem boost! Being confident with your partner not only brings you together but it can also allow you to have a more passionate sexual relationship (not just physically).

It also adds a fun element to your relationship. Being able to “wrestle”, tickle each other or roll around in bed together while making out can make things exciting and bring the fun back into dating. There are so many things that foreplay could include. This is especially true in long term relationships, never stop dating or trying to “woo” the other person. Just because they are in a relationship with you does not mean that the exciting times will last forever, soon the routine will set in and things will go about as usual, find ways to keep things in the honeymoon phase!

If you are like me and had a tough time initiating foreplay or want to spice things up in your relationship, here are a few tips.

Ask your partner what they would be interested in doing or trying, and create a list of fun fantasies you can play out. A massage can be amazing any day but even better if you try it with some fun edible oils, light some candles and turn off your phones. Enjoy your time together and just relax. Try not kissing while teasing each other, it is a fun way to change things up. (You’d be surprised how hot this can get). Send sexy messages throughout your day. It can be hard if your work schedules don’t match up, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still spice things up during the week. Letting your partner know how you feel about them or what you want to do to them can really make them feel loved and appreciated. 

(Side note: always consent with your partner before doing these things).

As always, it’s important to communicate with your partner if you are having any troubles. They may be feeling the same way and you will be able to come to an agreement together. 

Moral of the Story: Foreplay is important, not just as a precursor to sex. Have fun and spice things up!