People Don’t Talk About This Sh!t

You know that feeling of terror when someone wants to try anal, it’s your first time, and you don’t know what to expect? Should I douche? What’s a douche? Will it hurt? Do I have a nice butt hole? The Kylie Jenner bleaches her butt hole, should I bleach mine? What if I have a weird butt hole?? WHAT IF I HAVE TO POOP!?

Well… let’s just say our first story has a lot to do with that last point.

Poop

“I knew I should have waited till later to agree to anal”

I have a friend who has been with quite a few women (humble brag) and I used him as my guinea pig for my first story. Everyone has these awkward moments that have happened during sex, and I knew he would spill the tea easily.

So let’s set the scene a bit here. He has been dating a girl for 3 years, it’s the tail end (anal pun, I’m sorry!) of high school, and they just broke up. He starts sleeping with one of her good friends, because “when you’re young, dumb and full of cum it’s just what you do” – My Friend. They hook up a few times before they decide to take the plunge into anal, and the first few times, no issues.

Now, this won’t always happen with anal, butt I’m sure it’s something they both will remember for the rest of their lives. They do all the good stuff, foreplay, turn each other on, and then lube up to have some good ‘ol anal. This is where he makes his first mistake, anal without a condom (Don’t try this at home!). He had used one every time before but wanted to try it without one this time, and let’s just say it was a bit of a messy situation. As soon as he was.. *ahem* inside her poop chute, he felt something… strange touch his dick. That’s right ladies and gentlemen.. his John Thomas touched poop. Immediately he pulls out and sees his Willy with poop on it and in my opinion reacts well (I would have run screaming!). He tells her they have a… problem, need to stop, shower, and clean up. It was super awkward for the both of them and she was pretty embarrassed but they showered together and continued on with their sexual encounters for a few months after that.

Now, this story is a pretty embarrassing story, I’m sure if you were in this position, either as the giver or the receiver, you would feel like it was the end of the world. But the key takeaway here is that they continued with their sexual encounters for MONTHS after that. They didn’t run away from each other, swear to never talk about it again, and commit a blood pact.

unnamed

Okay Stacey, I’ll head northeast, change my name to Carl, and you head southwest, and change your name to.. I’m feeling Linda”

They addressed the situation like adults and moved on from the situation. You shouldn’t be afraid to try new, and scary things sexually, just because you feel like you’re going to be embarrassed. Sex is where you get to be the most exposed with someone else, and if you don’t feel comfortable enough with someone, that you could poopoo on their weewee, or have Mr.Hankey the Christmas poop on your one-eyed snake, and not be able to continue on caring for that person, maybe you shouldn’t be fooling around with them in the first place.

Editors Note: I have a friend who was in a similar, but worse situation, the same moment of fear happened when he was “inside”, but he pulled out too fast, while she was on top, and he ended up with a pile of poop on his stomach. But the exact same conclusion, they both showered, and continued on with their relationship.

Moral of the story: poop before you do anal, be slow on the pull-out, and always wear a condom !!

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